how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
