we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
