Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
