You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I am one with the molecules
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
