who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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