Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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