so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
