Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
