His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
