It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
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