I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
