My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
Randomize
