# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
