Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
