drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Randomize