You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
