Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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