I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
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