70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize
