Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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