My hair reeks of homosexuality.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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