There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
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Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
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No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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