I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Randomize
