i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
