so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
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