It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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