i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
