What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
