you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
