me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Randomize
