I cockslap morals
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Randomize
