No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
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