there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Randomize
