I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Randomize
