that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
