yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Randomize
