Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
