You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Randomize
