How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Randomize