Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
