woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
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