the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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