Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
