ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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