I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
