there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
