Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
