I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
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Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
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I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
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