my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
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