Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
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