He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Im part way to drunk.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Randomize
