it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Randomize
