Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Randomize
