I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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