There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Randomize
