party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Randomize
