My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
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