I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
