I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
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