Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
