Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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