I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Sext me about skeletons
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Randomize
