I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize
