you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
