By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Randomize
