just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
