she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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