Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Bring me that man meat
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
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